I am in a healthy and loving relationship, but trust me when I tell you that it has not always been this way. Unfortunately, finding the perfect relationship for you oftentimes comes with a rite of passage – the one where you go on all of those shitty dates. I have definitely had my fair share of casually dating absolutely horrendous people and I now personally consider myself a dating expert that can sniff out red flags from a mile away.
The dating process can be long, draining and frustrating when you end up spending time with people who are ultimately not compatible with you. And although you can’t always determine where a relationship will lead right off the bat, here are 10 initial red flags to look out for that will help you weed through the bad ones and make room for the right person.
They refer to their exes as ‘crazy.’
If exes happen to come up during the first date (which can be a red flag on its own) and your date is calling their ex-partners ‘crazy’ or other derogatory names, run. Usually, they’re the one that is the problem and are unable to take accountability for their actions. They won’t take accountability with you, either.
They are very late with no excuse or communication.
Of course, there are times when the traffic is bad or something comes up. But if they don’t give you any sort of heads-up after the five-minute mark and don’t seem to be too concerned that they’re more than a few minutes late, you’re probably wasting your time. Find someone who values your time instead.
They frequently check their phone.
Unless it is an urgent situation, if your date is constantly checking or on their phone, it shows that they’re distracted and will probably have trouble being fully present in the relationship.
They have no opinions.
It’s one thing to be easygoing, but it’s another thing to just agree with everything you say. If they seem hesitant to share any of their opinions and goes along with everything you say, you’re probably dealing with someone who has low confidence or just wants to please you without really being themselves. Anyone who wants to manipulate the situation to seem like you have so many similarities and therefore a connection could be a real sign of someone who is overly controlling.
They are rude to other people.
When you’re on a first date with someone in public, you are getting a front-row seat to how they treat other people. It doesn’t matter if they’re nice to you at first, because if they are not nice to other people, you will probably be on the other end of that soon.
They get too personal too fast.
It’s a wonderful thing to open up to somebody new, but it shouldn’t be all at once, especially on the first date. It displays clinginess and dependency. If the date feels like a therapy session and you’re the therapist, run.
They overdo the romance without any solid foundation.
I know it can feel exciting, but if you go on a first date with someone who is giving you gifts, complimenting you to the extreme and becoming way too affectionate way too early, they’re probably love-bombing you. When they are treating you as the love of their life without actually knowing you or without building a solid foundation, they are stringing you along into a false sense of security.
They only talk about themselves.
Make sure they are talking with you and not at you. When they are talking at you, they are only talking about themselves without asking you any questions about yourself or even allowing you any time to open up. You cannot build an emotional connection with someone who does not make you feel heard or understood.
They can’t seem to plan anything.
Planning a date should not be your full responsibility. If they are not interested in helping you plan a day, time, or place, they’re probably not very reliable nor care very much about what you guys do.
They look to the right a lot.
Not everyone is fantastic at eye contact, but studies show that when somebody is constantly looking up and to the right, they are probably creating a story instead of recalling one.